I mostly just get upset. But I'm both right now.

( I checked my Baylor inbox today, and I found this email... )I understand the need for the change, but... this is ridiculous.  I was looking forward to continuing with film photography (as well as learning how to make fiber-based prints), as there aren't many places you can learn that aside from a college darkroom. I suppose it's an appropriate change, seeing as digital is now the industry standard and the majority of people in my class last semester were graphic design majors, but I'm still sorely disappointed. I don't even know if the darkroom will still be available to use.

On the other hand, though, I'm looking forward to improving my digital repertoire.  It's a bit frustrating to take a class on something you already (for the most part) know, but I'm sure there are a lot of things I will be able to pick up and use to improve my photography.  It's all about filtering, right?  (Oh.  What a horrible pun.)  Plus, a digital class will take up far less time, and I'll have more time to concentrate on other things.

I really don't mean to sound pretentious or arrogant.  It's just that I get upset when matters I really care about--the things that I'm extremely passionate about, the things that inspire me--are taken lightly or dismissed altogether.  This is all a bit of an exaggeration, of course, but I'm prone to exaggerating when I'm upset.

But I'm not going to sit here and whine about it any longer.  I've already emailed my professor asking for further details.  If all goes well, I may be able to continue my film routines, as well as shoot with my DSLR, like nothing's happened.  So here's to hoping!

I'm rapidly becoming a part of something new.  And I like it.

My job is coming along nicely.  I've been doing all manner of things, from contacting potential clients to helping with graphics for flyers and websites.  I look forward to the times that I work.

I'm in love with work, really.  I like the cheap seventies doors, the old carpet, and the smell of the office.  I like the rug in the entrance that says "It's always time for safety!"  I like sitting on the sofa with my laptop, typing and editing and emailing.  I like getting to contribute my words and designs to an actual business.  I like sitting in the sweltering heat outside the side door on smoke breaks.  I like learning helpful Photoshop shortcuts from Jay and listening to Matt talk business.  I like watching Dreamweaver tutorials.  I really am learning things.

My Spanish class is going well.  I'm almost positive that I will make an A in the course (which is more-than-good news, because I need to raise my MCC GPA).  It requires a good amount of studying, but I've figured out a system that takes only about an hour each morning before class.

I've gotten to be pretty good friends with Jay (from work).  He's very good friends with all of the Tastydactyls folks, who I'd never really gotten to see much before.  I've been hanging out with that lovely group of people lately, and it's been incredibly fun.

Gabriel and Lindsey of Art Ambush are in the process of moving in next door (and I mean RIGHT next door... to the apartment directly across from mine).  They wanted to move here after they saw my apartment at the past couple parties, so hooked them up with my landlord.  Luckily, the people across the hall had decided to move out.

I'm surrounded by friends here, and I guess I've had somewhat of a hand in it.  Kyle (ex-keyboardist of the Tastydactyls) lives in my old apartment.  My landlord jokingly says he ought to start paying me a leasing fee.

Today was an especially good day.  I went to work and emailed a number of potential clients.  Then Jay and I picked up Serena and went swimming with our friend Josh.  We swam for several hours and then went to ihop.  I always end up being their designated driver, but it's okay, because I like hanging out regardless.  Later that night, after we dropped everyone off, Serena and I had margaritas with our friends Duncan and Hallie.  It was a very nice night, to say the least.

I've realized lately that I really miss spending time with my friend Sydni.  She and I have steadily drifted apart in the past six months (a large part of it has been due to my classes and her work at Art Ambush), but somehow we've managed to end up in the same group of friends again.  I just hang out with one end of the spectrum, while she hangs out with the other.  This is yet another reason why I'm excited for Gabriel and Lindsey to move in next door; Sydni will be over there a lot.

I've been trying to think positively.  And the more I do it, the less it feels like I have to try.  That kind of progression is a nice feeling.

This summer is still going wonderfully.  Even with school and work, I've found time to relax.  I'm happier than I've been in years.

The past few weeks have been very, very good.  I haven't had to work or go to school, so I've been relaxing... something that I've needed to do for at least two years now.

I've been extremely social lately.  I am now living in an enormous apartment by myself (Caleb moved out a few weeks ago), and my sister will be attending Baylor and moving in with me in August.  My parents are paying my rent in preparation for this, and also because tuition remission has increased enough so that the price of Baylor is manageable.  I'm much happier now that I'm not spending every hour of my life in a lecture hall or a dingy sandwich shop.

Serena has been spending the night nearly every night.  We've been hanging out with a new group of friends this summer, and it's extremely refreshing.  We adventure frequently; last week we spent our nights driving to "haunted" places, and this week we drove out to West to get kolaches from the 24-hour store.  My friend Hallie is transferring from UT to Baylor (ironic, right?), and I'm excited to have a good friend go to the same school as me.

Ever since I found a swimsuit, we've been sneaking into pools at apartments around the Baylor campus.  It's a tricky thing to do, especially at night, when we're searching for places with hot tubs, which tend to be locked.  We've been going on many bike rides as well.  The campus is deserted, and, in my opinion, at its very best in the summer.  Common Grounds is quite the same.

I'm usually not much of a partier, but the new apartment has proved to be excellent for social gatherings.  Serena and I are hosting another celebration tomorrow night--a "Cowboys and Indians" party.  It'll be nice to have one last get-together before I have to start summer school at MCC on Monday.

But the thing I've been most excited about isn't having free time or hanging out with friends.  It's my new job... working with BN Design!  They design web sites for individuals and businesses, but they also run the more music-scene oriented Backward Nation, which makes flyers for Art Ambush.  It's run by my friends Matt and Jay, who are very enjoyable to work with.  The office is just down the road from my apartment, too.  I'm only an intern so far, but I hope to contribute a lot to the business in the future.  It's all very exciting, and I find myself actually looking forward to work.

Hallie and I have been reading horoscopes the past couple weeks.  I've never really believed them, but when I did read them in the past, even though I wasn't born on a cusp, I'd always read the Cancer horoscopes, too, because I thought I was more similar to a Cancer than a Leo.  But now I can really see it.  Despite being a recluse much of the time and feeling shy around people, I really do like social interaction.  I like to love, and I like that love to be returned.  And I frequently define my own self-worth by the returned affection alone.

These past few weeks have been amazing.  I'm hoping the rest of the summer will be as good.

“The reduction of the universe to a single being, the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love.”

-Victor Hugo

Sometimes it sifts.
Sometimes it shades and sifts and shifts,
But most times it stares, paring down its prey with a sliver-hand.

Two long ones. A short one. Another long.
Code for approaching a highway grade crossing.
Im-mun-it-y?
Cal-am-it-y?
I wait.

Friends are coming back to Waco for the summer.

This cd is titled "Fuck Off, Darlin'".
My day is titled "Flat and Falling Decisions".
My head is titled "Explosive", and my
heart is titled "Chipped Porcelain Sinks".
My branches are titled "lossy",
and my mouth is titled "Sometimes
Sick".
You're titled "Vague", dear,
but I don't like titling things.


All said I was different.
Maybe I am.
And maybe that's why.





The only comforts are things like The Decemberists, Tilly and the Wall, and The New Pornographers.
And downtown streets.
And beaches, beaches, beaches.
I breathe salty.
It's my home, you know.
I was born there.
But I've adapted to downtowns and cigarette smoke and coffeehouses.
Everything sticks.

I have a good eye and ear,
someone told me.
I have decent vocal cords
Vocal chords
My left hand draws right good lines,
right good pictures,
and my camera clicks when
I want to keep things.
I'm a collector.



"Everything is good in moderation."
And then: "Nothing is good in excess."
And then: "...I guess moderation is the only thing good in excess."
And then: "Our government is very moderate. Even our extremes are moderate, compared to other governments."
And then: "Except for spending money."

These things matter in the big scope of things.
This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
I must quote Eliot quite often to keep my head.
T.S. Eliot,
Elliott Smith

Drink up baby
Stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be
But you'll never see
The promises you'll only make

Rewindrewindrewind
Old bridges and hours.

And the silver pink pony kisses me and says,
"You've come a long way and you deserve to be really happy."




Somethin g that is nt hackneyed.


And me, I believe that the garden of eden was burned to make way for a train.



You, sir.
I won't be a hermit indefinitely for you.
I won't forget the streets, and I won't
forget the taste.
Everything sticks to me.
Kickabout hearts fly.


Don't worry,
It'll all fade.
Some of my castles are knocked down by people,
but most of them are ultimately washed away by the ocean.

The dishwasher isn't doing a very good job of cleaning.
I looked in the drawer and saw a lot of dirty spoons.
I didn't know what to do with myself,
I certainly couldn't make that many wishes.
One's all I need right now.